In expressions of “tough love,“ it may at first appear that we are being unloving. Yet there are times when “real love” is “tough love.” A “tough love valentine” says: I love you in a tough way, not a goody-goody sugary flowery “everything is just sweetness” way! Tough love may not be immediately encouraging, and it may even appear to be judgmental. Tough love supports another to the highest degree that is prudently possible, avoiding condemnations, but it doesn’t enable a person.

Psychological studies show that the presence of an observer effects the behavior of that (person) which is being observed. Being loving toward others implies that we are trying to see the best in people and be positive. So is tough love critical simply because, in the context of integrity, it does not deny a problem?

And, what do we do about people whose unloving outer attitudes or actions hurt others or become a challenge to the greater harmony? Must we never speak out because it might not seem to be loving to speak out? Sometimes it is essential to speak out with integrity and conviction. Love requires some discernment. My criteria is: Does a behavior or action of another person hurt others and does it tend to limit the greater good? My practice of agape love should focus on people as souls, but it also does not ignore negative behaviors or attitudes that are harmful.

I recently expressed my disapproval of a New Thought ministerial candidate being ordained and I did not attend the ordination ceremony because I felt the person’s attitudes toward Gays was negative and if the person were allowed to become a minister, that person might hurt a Gay person seeking their ministerial advice or guidance. The suicide rate among Gay teens and young adults is higher than almost any other suicide rate in America. Ministers must heal, not condemn, and even subtle unspoken negative attitudes can be devastating to others who are sensitive and in a fragile emotional state. (next page)

Please feel free and welcome to contact Rev. Ousley with any questions, comments or prayer requests.